Easy for you to say
posted by Jen | 4:55 PM
Memorial Day weekend was pretty good. We ate out a lot. Friday night we went to Chili’s with the standard gang. I spent all day Saturday cleaning the house, which was good because I hadn’t done it in a couple weeks. Saturday night, we played Settlers and had take-out Chinese. Sunday Gavin and I went to Katy to see some of his friends. Two of them have a daughter named Savanah that is just two days younger than our niece. Savanah is adorable. She “commando-crawls” all over the place. She likes to play peek-a-boo, and play with books (she doesn’t look at the pages as much as she has fun turning them). It made me really, really want to go to Wyoming to see Caroline, but plane tickets are still cha-ching. We went to Chili’s again for dinner, where I paid more attention to Savanah eating saltine crackers than to the conversation. Monday I did bills, researched hikes in Hawaii, walked the dogs in a T-storm break, and went to a BBQ.
It’s no secret that Gavin and I are ready to have kids. I had always intended to get certified and work a couple missions before adding the complication of children. If the Shuttle fleet hadn’t been grounded for 2 1/2 years, we’d probably already be expecting and things would be working out exactly as planned. Because things are the way they are, we’re waiting and getting impatient as the launches keep getting delayed.
Since all this is common knowledge, people have started dispensing advice. “Just have a baby” seems to be the most popular one. This laissez-faire attitude has started to irk me a bit. It’s so easy to say, but would people think it was such an easy call if it were them? Yes, I really, really wish we could just get on with it. But I haven’t waited this out the last two years to throw in the towel right before we return to flight. My career is very important to me, and I just don’t think that getting a jump of a year on our first-born is worth the potential of a) putting off my first flight for 1-3 years and b) causing a shake-up in the flight control team that’s been training for return to flight for a year now. Because it could mean that. Yeah, sure I hope that I’ll have an easy-peasy pregnancy and be able to work right up to the stage when I’m about to pop. But that may not be the case. I could get really sick at the beginning, which would make working 10 hour shifts in the control center real fun. Wouldn’t you love to see the TV feed of me tossing my cookies in the waste-basket under the FDO console? I could end up needing to stay home for the last couple months for medical reasons. And once I take my maternity leave and come back, I’ll probably have to go through some sort of retraining, even if it may be minimal.
I think that even though people realize that women have been waiting longer to have their first child, they attribute it to women not wanting to have children in their 30’s. That may be true to some extent, but in my case I’m just trying to work the best balance between career and family into my life that I can.
My point is that it hasn’t been an easy course for me to take, but I really think we’re doing the best thing all-around. Having people tell me they think I should “just get pregnant” like it’s no big deal is making an already tough wait seem even longer. Because part of me wants to give in to the impatience and the emotion, but when you get down to it I’m a rational person and logic tells me that I’ve already waited 28 years and having a baby at 29 is not that different than having one at 30.
It’s no secret that Gavin and I are ready to have kids. I had always intended to get certified and work a couple missions before adding the complication of children. If the Shuttle fleet hadn’t been grounded for 2 1/2 years, we’d probably already be expecting and things would be working out exactly as planned. Because things are the way they are, we’re waiting and getting impatient as the launches keep getting delayed.
Since all this is common knowledge, people have started dispensing advice. “Just have a baby” seems to be the most popular one. This laissez-faire attitude has started to irk me a bit. It’s so easy to say, but would people think it was such an easy call if it were them? Yes, I really, really wish we could just get on with it. But I haven’t waited this out the last two years to throw in the towel right before we return to flight. My career is very important to me, and I just don’t think that getting a jump of a year on our first-born is worth the potential of a) putting off my first flight for 1-3 years and b) causing a shake-up in the flight control team that’s been training for return to flight for a year now. Because it could mean that. Yeah, sure I hope that I’ll have an easy-peasy pregnancy and be able to work right up to the stage when I’m about to pop. But that may not be the case. I could get really sick at the beginning, which would make working 10 hour shifts in the control center real fun. Wouldn’t you love to see the TV feed of me tossing my cookies in the waste-basket under the FDO console? I could end up needing to stay home for the last couple months for medical reasons. And once I take my maternity leave and come back, I’ll probably have to go through some sort of retraining, even if it may be minimal.
I think that even though people realize that women have been waiting longer to have their first child, they attribute it to women not wanting to have children in their 30’s. That may be true to some extent, but in my case I’m just trying to work the best balance between career and family into my life that I can.
My point is that it hasn’t been an easy course for me to take, but I really think we’re doing the best thing all-around. Having people tell me they think I should “just get pregnant” like it’s no big deal is making an already tough wait seem even longer. Because part of me wants to give in to the impatience and the emotion, but when you get down to it I’m a rational person and logic tells me that I’ve already waited 28 years and having a baby at 29 is not that different than having one at 30.
8 Comments:
One more reason to thank god for birth control! I think everyone should wait until they're ready to have kids, and even though you are emotionally ready, your life isn't ready yet... hopefully we'll return to flight soon :)
I think our comments of "just have a baby" are not meant to imply that it's an easy or inconsequential thing at all. It's just that I all know how badly you want children, and though I also know how badly you want your career, I guess it seems to me like you should do what you want and work out the details later. I mean, what if the shuttle launch gets postponed past September? It could be another year, or more, before we launch. You just never know. And I guess it seems to me like you're putting one very big part of your life (a baby) on indefinite hold for something else (a job) that, while of course also very big, is also very uncertain.
Then again, I don't feel as strongly about my job as you do, and I don't have some sort of end goal that I want to accomplish, so maybe it's impossible for me to understand your point-of-view when it comes to feeling so strongly about your career.
Anyway, knowing that it irks you, I'll quit commenting. :)
But you see, I am doing what I want. That's what you don't get - I want to work this next mission and the one after. I've been preparing for it for three years. The "details" are not details, they are huge problems that would potentially stand in the way of me taking part of a mission that has been my focus for a long time.
Also, I really don't see the launch getting delayed a year. Of course anything is possible, but things are coming to a head with getting the shuttle going again.
And the baby is not on indefinate hold. Believe me, I've thought about what my line in the sand is. I'm just being patient. A year or two is not forever.
There is no right way, no preferred plan for having kids. No guidelines outside of age limitations (and you have a LONG way to go before that becomes a factor). All that matters is that you and Gavin decide the time is right. You deserve a lot of credit for being thoughtful and conscious about this decision.
There is no doubt in my mind that you and Gavin being the smart, intentional people that you are have thought this through completely and are making the best decision overall. Life is one big balancing act and only the two of you know the right balance for your lives.
You two will be great parents.
I didn't realize that it bothered you so much. Like Sarah, I'll stop teasing you about having babies. I think a lot of it comes from the fact that you admit to seeing dancing babies and being rather baby-obsessed; we took the teasing one step further, and perhaps, over the line. We do admire your dedication, and being a flight controller myself, I understand the desire of not wanting anything to come in the way of working 114 and 121. It's just that it appears that your preoccupation has recently increased greatly.
On a lighter note, you should be used to this by now. We all should. Everyone has opinions on my love life, on things in other's lives, on when you should have a baby. It's because we all love and care for each other, and unfortunately, that sometimes gets lost under the mound of best-intentioned advice. It drives me crazy, but I wouldn't trade any of it. Well, okay, maybe some of it. Anyway. C'est la vie, c'est l'amitié.
-Cari
P.S. Can we still tease you about the dancing babies?
You can still tease me about dancing babies. (Although I won't admit to seeing dancing babies, because that creeps me out. I prefer the clock ticking analagy.) I just wanted to point out that I have my reasons for waiting, and I am not going to change my mind. I don't want you to stop teasing me, I just don't particularly care for the "just have one already" advice.
You could just revel in the irony of your single friends telling you to go have a baby. I mean, the stereotypical response should be "Are you sure?" "Why don't you wait?" or simply "That's crazy." :)
Oh, I totally know that you have reasons for waiting. And yes, it's responsible, and yes, you guys will be great parents whenever you finally start poppin' out the kids. ;)
I guess my bigger point is that I've heard you say that if you'd know the shuttle was going to be delayed this long, you guys probably would have had a kid already. And I know the shuttle is likely to launch soon and unlikely to be delayed until next year, or whatever. But I'm playing devil's advocate and just saying that if you're always waiting until the proverbial "time is right" then what happens if the time never gets right??
I just want everyone to have what they want when they want!
Post a Comment
<< Home