Buttons and Me

I like buttons. Not the ones on clothing. The ones that do something. For example, buttons that unlock the car doors, or turn on the computer. Buttons are neat, and I like seeing how they work. Not just to see what they do, but how they do what they do.

So the following story didn't surprise Jen in the least.

After I helped our neighbor replace two fenceposts, I was ready for a shower before we went out to see a movie. I turned on the hot water, waited for a bit, and hopped in. There was something new in there. Jen has been putting a lot of new things in there this month. She replaced the shower head while I was gone. She added shelves for lots of shower products. Most of which I don't use and I couldn't tell you what they were for.

But there was a new object, mounted right below the shower head. A clear cylinder, filled with transparent fluid. There was a spout on the bottom of the cylinder. And, most important, there was a nice oval blue button facing me. I figured it must be some new soap dispenser.

I cupped my hand under the cylinder. I eagerly pushed the button.

Nothing happened.

I was a little disappointed, but then, that's how things go sometime. I stuck my head under the shower and began to rinse my hair, when I realized I was hearing something new. A beeping noise. I turned off the water, and tilted my head a little. The cylinder was beeping every two seconds. I peered closely at it. Now I could read the warnings on the inside of the cylinder.

"DO NOT ALLOW CONTACT WITH EYES AND SKIN."

Right then the cylinder sprung to life! It revved up and the spout suddenly began to rotate! A strong, wide spray of antiseptic liquid fountained against the shower door and then, as the spout turned, the spray tracked towards me! I was defenseless! There was nowhere to go!

I remember two thoughts that blazed through my head.
1) Why had my wife put some doomsday device in the shower and not even mentioned it to me?!
2) Cover my eyes!

With a reaction speed that Jackie Chan would be mildly impressed by, I covered my eyes as the fountain sprayed over me. I recognized the sanitizing odor as the fountain sprayed the entire shower three times. It smelled like the spray you use on the shower walls when you're done to prevent soap scum build up. I started laughing before the spraying was finished. I cranked the water back on and scrubbed off the cleaner spray, and continued on with my shower.

After getting ready I stepped out of the bedroom and started putting on my shoes. "Something very interesting just happened to me," I began with a wry grin. Jen looked over from the TV and began to laugh as she realized what must have occurred. Come to think of it, she figured it out very fast. So fast, I wonder if she had planned it...