Letting Go

I’m rather depressed today. Carina had her 2-month checkup yesterday, and the doctor wasn’t happy with the amount of weight she’s gained over the last few weeks. He suggested that after I nurse her, to try giving her a bottle and see if she will take a significant portion. So this morning, I nursed her for her typical 40 minutes, and then gave her a bottle. She drank 5 oz; that’s pretty much a whole feeding. Basically, she's playing with me because she likes being close, but waiting for the bottle to eat for calories.

The upshot is that we’re probably about at the end of the breastfeeding journey. I can’t see myself nursing for 40 min and then bottle feeding for another 20 min. This is kind of ironic, because back when I was feeding her 6 times a day, I wasn’t enjoying breast feeding too much. It was too much time, often in the middle of the night, I was too tired, etc. Since I went back to work, the number of direct nursing sessions has been cut down to two - one in the morning and one in the evening. Since that reduction, I’ve been quite enjoying breast feeding. Enough that I haven’t really minded the pumping at work, etc. So, when I was doing it all the time I wanted to quit, and now that it looks like I may not be able to do it anymore I’m going to miss it.

And so begins the mother's lament - My baby is growing too fast!